I've never really loved the idea of change, however it's something I've learnt to cope with. It's got easier as I've got older and I'd say I'm better now when faced with changes...I'm good at adapting, evolving with a situation even. That's not to say though that I'm not still scared shitless when a big change lands in front of me!
So I told you before Christmas about my grand plans and my big dream of finding a place where lots of us could work from and create a massive buzz throughout the wedding world. After I announced my plans to the world I then went and spoke to several different people in the know. I gathered some useful advice and listened to lots of different opinions. I got shot down by some for my enthusiasm but I was really encouraged to keep going by others. I got excited, but then became hugely overwhelmed by the massive task I would be taking on if I were to put my plan in to action. I thought long and hard, had many sleepless nights and grumpy days going backwards and forwards with what to do. As luck would have it several set backs with the premises and other issues actually took the decision out of my hands and although now I believe the idea was just a little to big it doesn't mean that I don't want to re visit it in the future!
Obviously these past couple of years have been a massive wake up call for me. When you lose someone you truly love things are never the same again and you really do start to begin to reevaluate your life and what you're doing with it. I think before, I was always only really half committed, never really giving myself 100% because of fear, of being too scared to put myself and my work out there. I guess I was also safe in the knowledge that I have my husband to fall back on if I didn't make enough to pay my own bills he would....he's kept me and my business going for far too long. Then there was Emma, I made her my excuse for two years. I was able to pop my head in and out every now and again, just enough to let you all know that I was still here but not quite enough to really make a huge impact and not enough to be noticed if I did just disappear.
It's been six months since my beautiful big sister died.
Six months of tears, tantrums and reflection and I've still kind of been hiding away. I have tried a few times to re enter the world and work but I've failed miserably. I had so many big ideas but I honestly didn't think any of them through completely because in my defence I'm not healed, I'm not really strong enough yet. I'm exhausted, I wiped myself out by letting my crazy ass head take over...it's manic up in there!! Trying to do everything all at once whilst still not allowing myself to grieve was ridiculous...I was bound to crash and burn or rather crumble and sob hysterically! BUT it's OK, it's OK to admit we are human, it's OK to admit that all our ideas are not good ones or that we can't make them happen alone.
So after plans changing, projects halting and my body literally grounding me to a stop I had to listen, and listen I have!
I listened to my family, my friends and my heart.
What do you want?
Well actually I quite simply want to succeed...
I want to make my business shine. I want to stop making excuses. I want to stop playing at being a business woman and actually do it. I want my children to understand that it really is ok to fail at things, to fall down a few times but continue to stand back up even when you have very little strength. I want them to see that dreams are not impossible to achieve if you really believe in yourself. I want them to see that I never gave up....
This year is about creating myself again, I'm a different person to the one I once was so this could be interesting for many reasons. I will concentrate on myself and making my business work before trying to help others because although that feels very weird to me I now know if I make my business work it will in turn help others anyway. I don't mean I won't help because that's not me, I love to encourage others but in the past I've concentrated more on them than me. I wish to continue building our wonderful wedding creatives community and watching it grow because I can honestly say those who are already a part of it are some of the nicest, most talented people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing....I am so proud of everything you are all achieving!
OK so here is the exciting news I've been holding in for a couple of weeks...
After several wonderful chains of events I happened to find myself in the right place at the right time and if everything goes to plan you will soon see TWH relocated to the lovely area of Hyde Park road! It's a very scary move but sometimes scary is good and I'm finally excited to see what the future holds.
With a new wedding dress concession from Rock the Frock, new suppliers coming on board and an array of regular awesome workshop dates we really will be stepping things up!
If you'd like to know more about becoming part of TWH team, displaying your products in the shop or running some workshops then please give us a shout by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org
Once again I thank you for listening to my ramblings, supporting me and loving me because without you I really would have just gone and got myself a job in a supermarket ;)
See you after Dx